In One Year and Out the Other (anthology) by Cara Lockwood & Pamela Redmond Satran

Author:Cara Lockwood & Pamela Redmond Satran [Lockwood, Cara & Satran, Pamela Redmond]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: New Year, Humorous, Short Stories (Anthologies), Fiction, Fiction - General, Love stories; American, General
ISBN: 9781416503309
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2004-12-07T08:00:00+00:00

My mother used to say that when it rains, someone in heaven is crying, but tonight the skies on Earth are cloud-free.

My mother was wrong.

I, Cruella De Vil, wake up the next morning, determined to do something productive with the rest of my life (or at least the next three days before the New Year) rather than messing up people’s hair. After considering all the infinite (no lie) possibilities, I go to see the karaoke at Heaven’s Gate, a little place I like to haunt. Last week they had Elvis, but he always sells out in like two seconds and fire regulations prohibit overcrowding. This week, it’s Kurt Cobain, and the tickets are easier (most of his target demographics are still alive), but after two encore performances of “The Man Who Sold the World,” the magic just doesn’t seem to work.

Music was part of Jeff’s world, and by extension, it became part of mine. But now I’m thinking it might not actually be part of me. With Jeff, I was the party goddess, always ready to go someplace new, even if my feet were killing me, the noise gave me a headache, and I didn’t want to miss The Daily Show (love Jon Stewart, sorry he’s not dead). Lately, I’ve just wanted to stay at home, eat, watch a little TV, eat, and shop.

Maybe Oscar’s right (although I’ll never tell him that). Maybe I should start looking for somebody new. After all, with the New Year just around the corner, I should start a new New Year’s Eve tradition. Something involving my new life would be nice.

That’s it; I’m going to do it. So I wing my way to Easy Street where the Angels of the Ninth Order run their matchmaking service. It’s a little like Friendster, only tons more sophisticated.

A big golden sign hangs outside with two halos intertwined. This has gotta be the place. I take a deep breath (sorta), and remember that I’m dead, so, therefore, have nothing to fear.

When I get inside, it’s like being in Macy’s again. There are people everywhere. Counters with salespeople, and flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. I am charmed.

An angel comes up to me, smiling. “Hello, welcome to Soul-Mates. My name is Anael. How may I help you today?”

I look around at the milling crowds of dead people and realize there are a lot of lonely people in heaven. “This is my first time here.”

He takes me under his wing and gives me the grand tour. “We’re very proud of our success rate. It usually only takes one visit.”

But there are so many people here. Everywhere you turn, you bump into a body. I hesitate, and Anael jumps before I can say no. “What do you say? Take a risk.”

Okay, so he’s a lot pushy, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I need to be pushed. So I let him lead me into this barren waiting room where he puts little electrodes on my head. “Is this necessary?” I ask.

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